There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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