the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
