just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
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