He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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