not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he fucked my hip out of place.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
