I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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