Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
