Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
