you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
