I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
