I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
