i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
