Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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