my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
