but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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