quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sorry about my life...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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