I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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