why didn't you poke me back
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
