I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Umm I'm too high to move.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize