Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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