There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
