she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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