I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
