I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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