Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
wow bdsm is so cute
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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