Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
True strength comes from lack of pants
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
