i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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