And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
