All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
