i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
