okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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