hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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