What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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