peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
