does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
