He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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