Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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