you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
