she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
