u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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