i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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