do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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