I want to walk on stilts...naked
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
