you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
