It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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