I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
