My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
