Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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