Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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