A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
