I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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