She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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