dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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