I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
