we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
