i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
