I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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