Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize