And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
