billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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