Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
