he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have tasted many bathrooms
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
