Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
