My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
