Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
