He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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