We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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