K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
