The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
