In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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